A year or so back, a friend gave me a box of tealight candles. Not for decoration; rather they were for times of sadness, of grief, of remembering. During those times, I would light one and focus my thoughts on it, in some way it gave me a sense of relief; a place to stop and focus on that which was troubling me. NYE is a time of grieving for me: 3 years ago I lost a good mate on a canyoning trip that went askew. It has remained in my head ever since.

It is good practice during times of sadness to be among people, and my friends have been good at providing company at such times. However, company can be inhibiting in facing and dealing. This year I chose to spend the time alone, to spend time in that space. At 11pm, I lit one the teacandles and switched out the lights. I have a dried flower from his funeral I keep in a vase, propped up by marbles. I set this beside the candle. I prayed and relaxed. I felt at ease; and the tears flowed in a not uncomfortable manner.